i need can think of a decent title for my blogs….i remember in my other journal i would use titles of songs that i would currently listening to. now not so much, it’s just whatever that is in my ipod at the moment. music let me rephrase that ‘pop music’ is now too manufactured, over produced to make the performer sound as if they can actually sing. but the blog today isnt what im writing about, or may it is?

i tend to go off on weird writing spiffs and i havent done that in awhile but the reason im writing is i dont know maybe just because….i havent had my outlet just yet. so much has happened since the beginning of this year its still surreal to me. i’m thankfum and blessed at the same time.

i strated working out which this time im not obessessing over my weight or the need to be thin just learning to love myself and my body. i never did like my body. either it’s my breasts are too small to fill a tee shirt or my hips are too bog to put on a skirt or dress. I never like it when a guy would just stare at my ass and demeaning my looks the moment he would lay his eyes on me. if i had nothign interesting to say i would notice guys would go off in the own world and stare at other women. that made me become obsessed with being thin. i wanted to be like the thin girls that could wear a potato sack and make it look fashionable. but i never had the confidence within myself. i never felt beautiful, because it felt awkward to me. i didn’t know what it felt like to have someone admire me and the little imperfections about my body. im not perfectly portioned im an odd shaped person. something i deal with everyday. so why am i getting back into shape? im not getting any younger…i want to be comfortable in my own skin again. not because someone else makes me feel beautiful but i want to feel beautiful again